I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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