first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
