I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I want is dick and wine.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
