worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
