That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
