Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
