I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
