her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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