If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
