You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
