Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
