I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
