just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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