I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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