So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
