What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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