im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
