I cockslap morals
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
