I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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