If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
