I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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