We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
