I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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