gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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