im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
