Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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