that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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