I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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