yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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