And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
