I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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