it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
