You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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