yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
