I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
