i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
