Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
