no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
