Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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