maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
