I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
