Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
