dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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