i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
