I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
