I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you still have your period?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
