i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
