I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
