Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Shame - the story of my life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
