Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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