Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
