cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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