I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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